Thirty-two years ago, Yu Caixin was born to an ordinary family in Yizi City. Her parents were both teachers at the same elementary school, and they raised Yu Caixin in an almost laughably strict manner.
Before middle school, Yu Caixin was both studious and well-behaved. She was considered pretty by the girls in her class, and for a long while she was known as the school beauty.
But Yu Caixin's overbearing and old-fashioned parents believed it was shameful for a girl to receive too much attention for her looks. As long as Yu Caixin got good grades and high marks on tests, her parents were satisfied. They were, in fact, displeased to learn she was also praised for being beautiful.
At that time, Yu Caixin's father just so happened to be the homeroom teacher of her class. In front of all her peers, he berated her for being named the 'school beauty'. He spat those words like they were something filthy, and he fiercely proclaimed that Yu Caixin should have felt ashamed for receiving such a title.
Strangely, Yu Caixin's father only criticized his own daughter. He never lashed out at the students who called Yu Caixin the school beauty.
Yu Caixin didn't argue or try to defend herself. She accepted her parents' harsh upbringing until she entered middle school.
Middle school was a critical time for girls; it was a time of change and growth. During her first year of middle school, Yu Caixin grew taller. Her chin became sharper, and her chest grew as well. She gradually morphed from a girl into a young woman in the eyes of the boys in her class, and they instantly began to notice her.
She became known as the school beauty once more. Even older boys would wait for her after school, vying for the chance to walk her home.
Yu Caixin's mother and father soon found out about all this through their friends who were teachers at Yu Caixin's middle school. Instantly, they were overcome by panic and anger. They suspected Yu Caixin was focusing more on her looks than her schoolwork, and they worried she would bring shame upon their family by being tricked into an early relationship by some boy.
Back then, Yizi City didn't require elementary school and middle school students to wear uniforms. Students only had to don their uniforms during the first week of school, for the ceremonial raising of the flag; afterwards, they were free to wear everyday clothes from home.
Yu Caixin's parents promptly locked up all her dresses and forced her to chop off her head of long hair, leaving her with a short, boyish buzzcut. They only allowed her to wear dark, baggy t-shirts and jeans.
That kind of fashion sense was seen as incredibly 'weird' in the eyes of middle school girls who were just starting to be concerned with beauty and style.
Worst of all, Yu Caixin's chest grew quickly during that time, but her mother refused to buy her a bra. Her mother believed a girl who was only in her early teens shouldn't wear such things; it would only 'seduce' boys into giving her filthy, unclean looks. As a result, Yu Caixin's mother only ever bought her tank tops to wear as undergarments.
But tank tops were only made of a thin fabric, and they offered no support. There was no way for them to hide what a girl didn't want others to see.
Yu Caixin, prohibited from wearing bras, soon became the laughingstock of her school.
Whenever she walked, her breasts swayed. The worst part of school was always physical education. Boys would jeer and whistle at her, while well-meaning girls would softly whisper to her, Caixin, your nipples are showing.
Girls in the throes of puberty were more sensitive than most. Yu Caixin wilted. She hunched her shoulders and bowed her head when she walked, making herself as small as possible in the halls of her school. She had never felt lower.
In the second year of middle school, all the other girls began to develop as well. They wore cute bras under beautiful dresses, and only Yu Caixin remained unchanged. Her hair was still shaved into a buzzcut. She still wore only glasses and dark t-shirts and jeans.
She went from being the school beauty to the lowest of the low.
Yu Caixin began to gain weight, and her pretty, delicate face broke out in acne. Her looks deteriorated, and her classmates began to shun and ostracize her.
Some of the boys started to call her 'disgusting' and 'oily'.
And just less than a year ago, she had been the most popular girl in class.
Now, people ridiculed her hair and her figure and her clothes. They joked that her chest grew and jiggled only because she'd gotten fat.
She scrimped and saved until she collected enough of her allowance to buy herself a bra, secretly putting it on once she got to school. But she was only able to wear it for a short while before her mother called her out of class one day. When she returned, Yu Caixin's face was streaky with tears and her bra had been replaced by a tank top again.
Yizi City was only a small city. Gossip traveled quickly.
Various versions of Yu Caixin's story began to spread through the city, quickly becoming idle chatter for many families.
During her third year of middle school, Yu Caixin transferred to the best junior high in their city—Yizi City's Er Junior High. The teacher in charge of the students' mental health told Yu Caixin's parents that Yu Caixin had developed severe psychological problems after long years of living in an oppressive environment. The teacher suggested sending Yu Ciaxin to a psychologist, or at least agreeing to counseling sessions at the school.
But back then, 'psychological problems' were a new concept even in bigger cities. In a small city like theirs, such things were simply unheard of.
To many people, having 'psychological problems' was the same as being a lunatic.
The third year of middle school was an important time for students, academically speaking. Yu Caixin's father instantly refused all suggestions of seeking help for his daughter, believing all that nonsense to be a waste of time.
"What psychological problems? How could our daughter have psychological problems?! School is the most important thing in her life! We're all teachers here. Don't you try to mess with me!"
A large number of students from Er Junior High went on to the affiliated high school, and most of the students were fiercely competitive about their grades. Under pressure from her parents, her school, and her changing figure, Yu Caixin became more and more unstable. During the second half of her third year, she took a large number of sleeping pills. If her homeroom teacher hadn't discovered her attempt in time, a lift might have been lost.
Once again, Yu Caixin became the talk of the town.
And the relationship between Yu Caixin and her parents grew more and more strained.
When she began to attend Er High, the high school affiliated with her junior high, she chose to live in the dorms and almost never went home.
Freed from her parents' control, Yu Caixin secretly saved much of her meal allowance and bought cheap yet beautiful clothes. She gradually lost weight as well, and her figure slimmed down to what it had been in the past.
In the second half of her first year of high school, Yu Caixin's grades saw a bit of fluctuation. Her teachers all thought this was perfectly normal and not something to worry about. But after a parent-teacher conference, Yu Caixin's parents barged into her dorm room and found all her pretty new clothes, tearing them up right in front of her eyes.
"I knew it! Your grades dropped because of these clothes!" her mother screamed while sobbing. "All you need to care about right now is studying, not dressing up or looking nice! You're still a student! What will you achieve by dressing up? Why can't you listen to your mama and papa? We only want what's best for you!"
All the girls in the dormitory rushed over to gawk at the commotion. They all watched as Yu Caixin was bullied into a corner by her mother, who kept prodding her shoulder as she lectured her, going on and on and on…
The trauma of her junior high school years resurfaced. Yu Caixin's efforts to change herself were torn apart by these parents who 'only wanted what was best for her'. Once again, Yu Caixin became the laughingstock of her school.
During her three years of high school, Yu Caixin was relentlessly mocked over her appearance. The story of her own mother ripping apart her dresses circulated throughout the school. Eventually, even underclassmen from the affiliated junior high began to mock her.
"Poor Yu Caixin, her parents are so weird."
"What is Yu Caixin even wearing? Is she a farmer?"
"Yeah, and look at her haircut. She's actually not ugly. Can't she clean herself up a bit?"
"I heard from her junior high classmates that she doesn't wear bras."
"Really? How can a girl not wear a bra?"
"How'd she get so fat? Isn't she just too ugly now?"
Finally, after her college entrance exams, Yu Caixin managed to get into a college outside of Yizi City. She could leave her parents in the past. At her university, she managed to get a boyfriend.
Those were perhaps the easiest and happiest four years of her life.
Her boyfriend was also from Yizi City. Because his parents had arranged a job for him after graduation, he was insistent on moving back there after college.
With that, Yu Caixin had no choice but to return to Yizi City with him.
Before long, her boyfriend cheated on her with a returnee from his workplace. That 'mistress' of his was extremely beautiful and very fashionable.
In that small city where she'd grown up, Yu Caixin became a laughingstock yet again.
When she was twenty-four years old, she left Yizi City for good and moved to Dongye City for work. In one fell swoop, she severed all ties with the people of her past.
"Yu Caixin has always suffered because of her appearance," Xiao Yu'an said. "After coming to Dongye City, she practically became a new person. Success in her career gave her more and more confidence, but the traumas of her past—the pressure from her parents, the mockery of her classmates, the betrayal of her boyfriend—are all solid knots in her heart. She never went to see a psychiatrist in all these years. Those knots only grew tighter around her heart."
"So she couldn't handle any criticism of her appearance." Ming Shu sighed. "Before she had plastic surgery, she spent a lot of time walking through Huayun Center just for the sake of receiving attention and praise from street photographers, but she was only met by people who thought she didn't look good enough.
"There's no way for us to know the extent of the hatred and pain lodged in her heart. She never had the ability to get revenge on her parents, her classmates, or her boyfriend. But now, she had the ability to seek revenge against Chen Quanhan and Luo Xiangfu."
Xiao Yu'an shook his head. "It may not have been just a matter of 'ability'. Years ago, Yu Caixin's condition simply may not have been this severe. When she was merely a student, her hatred had yet to twist into killing intent. But in the eight years since she moved to Dongye City, she's been alone. She never dated again, she never formed close friendships, and she no longer had any family.
"Outwardly, Yu Caixin seems extremely successful. But no one truly knows how much pressure she's been under or how heavy of a burden she carries. She's the only one who knows how she suffered, and she never once received help for her psychological problems."
Ming Shu suddenly thought of Cao Xiang. "There are a lot of problems within Xin Xiang, her company. Yu Caixin and her partner Cao Xiang have been at odds with each other for ages."
Xiao Yu'an gazed out the window. "Perhaps Yu Caixin felt like she'd reached rock bottom when she visited Huayun Center. Perhaps that was why she sought validation from those street photographers. Any praise would have been sufficient, even just a fleeting compliment. But instead she was met by Chen Quanhan, calling her unattractive to her face."
The monitors before them played the live footage of Yu Caixin's conversation with Zhou Yuan. Yu Caixin laughed often, but there was something twisted and monstrous about that laugh.
Ming Shu watched her. To him, she looked like a gorgeous marble statue that was starting to crack and crumble.
"Yu Caixin has no one she can trust. In that way, she's the same as Hou Cheng," Xiao Yu'an said. "That means she couldn't have entrusted the photographs of her crimes to a friend. She must have them somewhere close by, where she can access them whenever she wants to relive those moments of her victims' despair."
"We've already searched her house," Ming Shu said. "Should I go take another look?"
"Wait." Xiao Yu'an paused. "If the photographs aren't at her house, then where are they most likely to be?"
"I…" Ming Shu had asked himself that question a long time ago, but he hadn't been able to settle on an answer.
Yu Caixin could have hidden the photos anywhere. She could have buried them in one of the flower gardens in her residential community. Or she could have hidden them in a place the police would never conceive of.
"Somewhere close to her, where she can access them at any time. But, at the same time, somewhere that would be hidden from the police," Xiao Yu'an mused, murmuring to himself. "What kind of place…"
Ming Shu closed his eyes. A mess of clues raced through his head, colliding over and over again.
He had already reviewed most of the surveillance footage from the Aiqin Waterfront neighborhood. Yu Caixin kept a very regular schedule, leaving home and coming home at around the same time each day. She didn't exhibit any strange behaviors within her neighborhood. She often visited a nearby convenience store to buy drinks and cigarettes. Sometimes she picked up a bag of fruit from a local vendor, or came home with a package from a delivery service.
A delivery service?
Ming Shu's eyes suddenly flew wide open.
A small thought, almost as insignificant as a piece of driftwood floating through the tumultuous sea of his mind, surfaced.
Before traveling to Luocheng to track down Entombed Heart, Ming Shu had ordered a set of kitchen utensils to be mailed to Xiao Yu'an's place. By the time the package shipped, neither of them were in Dongye City to collect it.
The property management office at Xiao Yu'an's place had received the package for them, and the property manager had given them a call to ask them to pick it up as soon as possible. They could only hold the package for them for a week.
Ming Shu remembered being a little irritated by that.
He shopped online frequently, but almost always had his packages mailed to his own apartment. It was rare for him to have things sent directly to Xiao Yu'an's place. And back at his apartment, he'd never been told that his packages could only be held for a week.
It wasn't a property management office that collected packages for him back there, but a nearby convenience store. Ming Shu traveled for work frequently, and he was often gone for weeks at a time. He'd come to an agreement with the people at the convenience store a long time ago; they would hold his packages for him until he had a chance to collect everything, and he would just pay a little extra for the service.
When a person was suspected of a crime, the police would search their home and their office. Even the homes of their friends and family members could be subjected to a search. But most detectives would never think to search the convenience stores in a suspect's residential neighborhood.
"Ge!" Ming Shu exclaimed. "I thought of a place."
There were a total of four convenience stores in the Aiqin Waterfront neighborhood, and all four offered package collection services. Ming Shu personally led his team to ask at each store, but all the managers said the same thing—they'd never handled any packages addressed to Yu Caixin.
And even after Yu Caixin's home was searched a second time, nothing came up.
"Chief." Fang Yuanhang tossed Ming Shu one of the bottles of water he'd picked up at the last convenience store they visited. "We'll have to get Yu Caixin to confess. Where else can we look?"
"How do we get her to confess?" Ming Shu asked. "Torture her?"
Fang Yuanhang rolled his eyes. "Chief, what are you saying?"
"I'd ask you the same question," Ming Shu retorted. He downed half the bottle of water in one go and furrowed his brows against the blazing sun. "Do you know why Yu Caixin is so arrogant? It's because she's convinced we won't find any evidence. If we can't find anything before we run out of time, we'll have no choice but to let her go. Under these circumstances, do you really think she would obediently confess?"
Fang Yuanhang pressed his bottle of water to his face. Maybe to cool down his skin, or maybe to cool down his brain.
Ming Shu made his way back to their police car. Just as he started pondering their next course of action, he noticed some people arguing at Gate 2 of Yu Caixin's residential community.
A courier from a delivery service, with a three-wheeled van full of packages, was arguing with someone from the property management office. The courier demanded, "Why the hell are they allowed to go in?!"
'They' referred to a larger delivery van that had just passed through the gate.
"You're new, right?" the property manager said. "Your delivery service doesn't have a contract with any of the convenience stores inside our community. That's why you can't enter."
"Then what do I do with this truckload of junk?" the courier protested. His whole body was drenched in sweat, and his face was overcome with worry.
"Drop it off over there." The property manager pointed across the street to a small row of shops. "Your company's got a contract with those shops. You can offload your haul there, see?"
A bolt of realization flashed through Ming Shu's mind, and he instantly barked, "Let's go!"
When they'd checked the local convenience stores, Ming Shu had neglected one thing. The convenience stores inside the residential community were far from the only places that could take and hold packages for Yu Caixin. There were convenience stores just outside the community. There were even vegetable stands, dry cleaning shops, restaurants, and pharmacies that offered the same service.
To the residents of the community, there was no difference between collecting their packages from inside the community or just outside. It was only a matter of walking a few extra steps.
After checking half the shops on the block, a fruit stand named Happy Peach admitted to having a package for a Miss Yu in their possession.
It was a long while before the shop owner managed to dig up a tightly wrapped box tucked away in the far corner of their messy storehouse. "Phew! Here it is."
Ming Shu hurriedly took the package and read the shipping label. It had been shipped out by a delivery service in Bei District, and the sender's telephone number looked a little familiar.
After a few seconds, Ming Shu remembered. The sender's number belonged to one of Yu Caixin's cell phones, and the recipient's number belonged to her other phone.
"She paid me a hundred bucks a month to hold her packages," the owner said. "She told me she worked late every day and didn't get back until the middle of the night. Of course, my shop's closed by then, so she can't always pick up her mail right away. Since she paid me, of course I was willing to hold her packages for a few extra days.
"She's picked up her deliveries from here plenty of times before, and it's always a box like this. I don't know what she's always buying. This one's been here for half a month already, and she hasn't been by to claim it."
Ming Shu passed the box over to Fang Yuanhang. "Feel that weight. If what we're looking for is in there, it could be an SLR camera."
Yu Caixin had been brought into an interrogation room again. Underneath the pale overhead lights, she stared at the transparent evidence bag in front of her. It contained an SLR.
"I've found the most important piece of evidence," Ming Shu said. He held a stack of photographs in his hands and laid them out in front of Yu Caixin, one by one. "You won't be able to talk your way out of this now."
At the bottom right of those photos, the precise time and date of the murders of Chen Quanhan and Luo Xiangfu were printed. The victims' faces were covered by their shirts, exposing the bare torsos of the two middle-aged men.
Even though their faces were covered, their fear and despair were palpable. That horror had been captured and preserved through time to reach the police detectives' eyes.
In the later photographs, the victims' shirts were pulled back down. Their faces were exposed. Although the two men didn't look anything like each other, the looks of terror they wore were identical.
They were crying. Begging for mercy. Their faces were already wet with tears and snot. They wanted to flee, but couldn't move a muscle.
"Only one set of fingerprints were found on the camera. Yours. And on the camera strap, we found traces of Luo Xiangfu's blood. You must have missed it when you cleaned up your mess." Ming Shu regarded Yu Caixin with a solemn look on his face. "Is there anything you'd like to say?"
Silence fell over the interrogation room. After a long while, Yu Caixin let out a muffled, trembling laugh.
"That's right, I killed them." At some point, Yu Caixin's perfectly sculpted face had twisted into a mask of malice. She looked like an old painting of a beautiful woman, which had grown cracked and faded over time. "Not only did I kill them, I took their pictures! They loved photographing the bodies of others so much, so I photographed them until they were satisfied! I took pictures of their bodies and showed them exactly how ugly they were! What right do these hideous men have to judge me?"
Ming Shu's eyes filled with gloom. Yu Caixin no longer showed any traces of the kindness she'd displayed while courageously protecting a child from harm.
Human beings were the hardest creatures to comprehend. Yu Caixin was capable of killing a stranger over a single insult, and she was capable of putting her own life at risk to protect a stranger's child.
"Did they not deserve to die?" Yu Caixin's laugh was piercingly cold. "Some people deserve to die. I did the world a favor."
"You're a good actor," Ming Shu stated. "Were you inspired by Lu Kun?"
Yu Caixin shook her head. "You don't understand anything."
"If I don't understand anything, how did I see through the heart of your ploy? How did I find your camera at the fruit shop across the street from your home?" Ming Shu asked with a cold smile. "You didn't dare keep the camera with you, but you couldn't bring yourself to delete those photos. All you had to do was load them up, and you could relive those moments of your victims' anguish. So you mailed the camera to yourself from various delivery services near your office, and the package sat at that fruit shop until you claimed it.
"Because you paid the owner of the fruit shop a monthly fee, he took good care of your package and made sure not to lose it. When you wanted to revisit those photos, you would simply pick up the package like it was any ordinary delivery. There was no way you would arouse suspicion. After all, claiming a package is such an ordinary thing to do.
"After you finished admiring your photos, you packed up the camera the next day and mailed it out again. That way, you would never lose your 'trophies', and the police would never find them."
Yu Caixin's cheeks twitched.
"Lu Kun's claims gave you the idea to put on a cloak of justice," Ming Shu continued, dismantling her thought process step by step. "You decided you could also claim you committed these crimes in the name of good. So you went out and bought the book Lu Kun had been reading before he went berserk. Let me guess. What you want to say now is—
"'Entombed Heart made me do it! I was compelled to kill after reading his book!' That day at the Shu Han book cafe, you didn't just save a child. You were inspired to give yourself another way out."
Yu Caixin laid her sweaty palms against the interrogation table. When she flinched, her hands made an unpleasant squelching sound.
Ming Shu continued, "If you intended to claim Entombed Heart compelled you to kill, then you should have made your story a little more believable. You should have read his book, cover to cover, rather than flipping through a few pages and abandoning it on your bookshelf."
Yu Caixin's stiff, surgically altered facial features didn't move at all. But her mask had been torn away and utterly obliterated. All her carefully sculpted beauty was gone.
"What you need to understand is that, from beginning to end, the only culprit in these crimes was you," Ming Shu said. "Regardless of whether or not you were influenced by Entombed Heart, the one who must take responsibility for your crimes is you!"
After a few seconds of silence, Yu Caixin suddenly convulsed as though she couldn't hold herself still any longer. She slammed her back against the back of her chair.
The muffled bang of her body colliding with the chair startled the officer in charge of recording the interrogation so much that that officer nearly stood up to help Yu Caixin.
"Am I ugly?" Yu Caixin suddenly asked.
Outside the interrogation room, Fang Yuanhang watched the live feed and said, "I don't get it. Why is she so obsessed with the way she looks? Whether it was before her surgery or after, she was never ugly. Not even close. If she thinks she's ugly, then what are girls who look even more ordinary than her supposed to do?"
"She isn't obsessed with her looks. She's obsessed with the way others see and judge her," Zhou Yuan, a man of few words, said with a sigh. "Everyone has their demons, and hers is her obsession with the way others perceive her. If someone had asked to take her picture that day, she wouldn't have turned out like this."
"It was a tough time for me. I'd just lost a few important clients, and Cao Xiang was trying to poach the most promising members of the team I'd assembled," Yu Caixin said. "I heard people whispering about it. That I was too old, that a single hag couldn't hack it in the headhunting business."
Yu Caixin looked up. Her eyes were vacant, starting at nothing in particular. Slowly, she continued, "They said I was old and low-class. They said that I caked on my foundation to hide my wrinkles, and that I dressed myself up in luxury brands to hide the fact that I was getting fat from age.
"We'd hired a young receptionist not long ago. She was pretty and fashionable, and I suddenly remembered everything that happened back in my hometown. I was being mocked again, even though I thought I'd shed those labels of 'fat' and 'ugly' long ago. But in the eyes of others, I was still ugly and fat—and now I'm also old."
Yu Caixin flashed a bitter, humorless smile. "I'm an old woman now. When I went for a walk in Huayun Center, not a single camera lens focused on me. Even if I deliberately walked in front of those street photographers, they would only spare me a glance before chasing after younger and more beautiful girls. Do you understand how that made me feel?"
Ming Shu's brows furrowed slightly.
"It was like fate had abandoned me. Those people could only see the young and the beautiful. I could wear the most exorbitantly expensive fashions, I could put on my best makeup, and still they wouldn't see me," Yu Caixin snapped. Her voice was growing more agitated, her words coming quicker. "They would occasionally glance at me, and with their eyes they would say, 'You're so ugly. You don't deserve to have your photo taken.'
"Chen Quanhan called me ugly to my face, and Luo Xiangfu wouldn't photograph me even when his only other option was to chase after girls who didn't want to be photographed. The day I saw him, he was pursuing a woman wearing an outfit just like mine. He ignored me, he insulted me, he intentionally humiliated me!"
Fang Yuanhang shook his head. "Yu Caixin must be delusional, right? How could that have been intentional? Luo Xiangfu might not have noticed her in the first place."
"To her," Zhou Yuan said, "not being noticed is the same as being humiliated."
"I don't want the people who humiliated me to continue living, so they had to die," Yu Caixin stated, meeting Ming Shu's gaze once more. A small smile crossed her lips. "I only had a few minor plastic surgery operations. After that, they all went wild for me. They begged me to let them take my picture. Isn't that funny?"
"You've been to Chen Quanhan's home," Ming Shu said.
"Of course!" A gleam of energy suddenly crossed Yu Caixin's eyes. "He'd pursued me at Huayun Center several times already, and I never allowed him to take my picture. I pretended to 'pass by' Puouxin Street and gifted him a bottle of spiked liquor. I told him if he really wanted to take my picture, he could meet me at eleven that night in the small forest inside the old amusement park.
"That useless old man actually did exactly what I told him to do. He was already drunk as a skunk when he came to the amusement park. All I had to do was cover his face with chloroform, and he was rendered truly useless. Absolutely no match for me."
"On July 2nd," Ming Shu continued. "You used the same method to kill Luo Xiangfu."
Yu Caixin fell silent for a moment before she said, "Luo Xiangfu was strange. He insisted on photographing me in professional attire, and he said some nonsense about helping people in rural villages. He said I had an authentic quality that the girls in long dresses at the shopping malls lacked, and he said I would do a better job of changing minds or whatever.
"It was just bizarre. Before I had my plastic surgery operations, I also dressed in professional attire. I was also an authentic professional. Why didn't he notice my beauty back then? In the end, he was just blathering nonsense and making despicable excuses for himself."
"You promised to wear professional attire for Luo Xiangfu. You gave him a drugged bottle of alcohol, and you made him wait for you late at night at the amusement park." Ming Shu sighed. "When you killed them, did you not feel any horror?"
"What reason did I have to feel horror?" Yu Caixin asked. "I've often felt like I was the one being killed. When I was just a young woman, just a girl, I was killed by many people. Why did you people never find my corpse? Why did you people never seek justice for me?
"You all just watched on, smiling and laughing at my misery. Gossiping about me, like my trauma was a funny story to tell over dinner. No one has ever cared for me. My parents, my classmates, my ex-boyfriend…"
A trail of tears slipped down Yu Caixin's cheek. She lowered her head and raised a hand to wipe it away.
"Why don't you go ask them? When they killed me, did they not feel horror?"