YOUR MEMES ARE BETTER LOOKING THAN YOU

Chapter 3: Are You Looking for a Sugar Daddy?!

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When dealing with a customer, one must demonstrate patience and kindness in spades.

Gu Wei adjusted his personality accordingly and affected what he thought was an extremely friendly tone as he sent the customer a greeting first.

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Hey, sweetie. Is that you?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: CutenessOverload.jpg

[100K Volts]: ???

Gu Wei frowned at the screen in confusion. The customer only sent back three questions, which meant… what, exactly?

After a moment's consideration, Gu Wei decided that was probably to be expected of a big, hotshot customer. Acting cool and stoic, and not even saying hello.

[100K Volts]: You know who I am?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Of course I know. Didn't they tell you to add me? I've been waiting all day, you know.

[100K Volts]: ...they told me.

On the couch in his own home, Jiang Xun stared at his phone. His hand gave a small tremor.

Did he add the wrong person? What could possibly have possessed Gu Wei to act like this?

 

Back on Gu Wei's side, he had decided to cut to the chase and get down to business right away.

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Let's talk business. What's your budget, boss?

[100K Volts]: What do you mean?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: You know what I do, right? It's not your first time looking for this service, right?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: I'm sure you know the basics, so I'll skip all those boring details. Do you want to place an order for a week first, to try things out? Or do you want to go straight for a month or a year?

[100K Volts]: ...place an order for what?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Me, of course!

[100K Volts]: You? Place an order… for you?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Yeah.

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: What else? You're looking into other services?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: You want to find someone else? Don't even think about it!

Gu Wei flashed his screen a confident smirk. He knew he was a phenomenal conversationalist, and he had no doubt he would land this big fish for Chi Yunkai.

 

In the Jiang family's villa, Jiang Xun stared at his cell phone, speechless and dumbfounded.

Was this… what Gu Wei… did?

Was this what Gu Wei, the lead dancer of popular boy band T.ATW, did in his spare time? As his… second job?

Calling people sweetie, calling people boss, asking how long Jiang Xun wanted to 'place an order' for.

Could it be…

Could it be that this 'nice' and 'well-behaved' boy was on the prowl for a sugar daddy?

Jiang Xun wasn't the sort of person to beat around the bush. When he had something on his mind, he said it outright.

[100K Volts]: Do you think I'm some kind of… 'sponsor'?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Well, aren't you?

In Gu Wei's mind, this 'little kid' was a 'big customer', and a 'big customer' was the same as a 'boss', and a 'boss' was basically a 'sponsor'.

There was no problem with that logic, was there?

As a reward for exercising his excellent business sense, Gu Wei decided he could have a cup of milk tea tomorrow. Just one cup, with no sugar added.

Jiang Xun, meanwhile, clicked into Gu Wei's profile and checked his latest posts to his Moments. The most recent one was Gu Wei's message from that morning.

"The early worm has been eaten by the bird, huh?" Jiang Xun read.

And attached to the message, an image: AggroJiangXun.jpg

Jiang Xun, of course, recognized the reaction meme that had been made out of a picture of his own face.

It was a photo someone in the audience had taken when Jiang Xun was competing in the RU's World Invitational Tournament. His face must have taken on a competitive, fierce expression in the heat of the battle, and the photo was quickly turned into a reaction image that spread like wildfire and became a meme. When it first appeared, it even trended on Weibo.

Beneath that most recent message, Gu Wei's feed seemed to be full of photos from various esports tournaments that he had attended as a spectator. The people with him in those photos mostly seemed to be guys from his group.

Although the 'nice' and 'well-behaved' boy was apparently not very nice or well-behaved at all, he really did seem to be Jiang Xun's fan.

And he really did look like a good kid. Jiang Xun could hardly believe this same person was so casually seeking a… 'sponsor'. Even his WeChat username boldly asked for money.

Jiang Xun really didn't think that sort of behavior was becoming. It seemed his little fan needed someone to sit him down and have a serious talk with him.

After skimming through Gu Wei's feed, Jiang Xun switched back over to their chat messages.

[100K Volts]: Tell me the truth. How long have you been doing this?

Gu Wei frowned when he received that message. Was it really necessary to give out some detailed resume for this sort of thing? It was just a gaming substitute service. Kids these days were so hard to please.

If this kid wanted to hire someone with experience, fine. Gu Wei was no stranger to bullshitting an impressive resume.

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: I've been doing it for years. Don't worry, from a professional standpoint, you won't be disappointed.

[100K Volts]: Are you… really short on cash?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Of course! I'm so short, I'm super short. If I wasn't short on cash, why would I do this sort of work? It's so hard on your body and bad for your health.

"Who are you talking to?" Jiang Ying asked. He was holding a coconut with a straw stuck inside and chewing absently on the straw as he passed the living room, noticing Jiang Xun on the couch.

"A kid who looks like a good boy but isn't a good boy at all, and needs to be taught a lesson," Jiang Xun said without looking up from his cell phone screen.

"In the middle of the night? Who are you messing with?" Jiang Ying furrowed his brow, confused, but he didn't really care enough to pry and soon turned around to take his leave. "Don't sleep too late, ge. Aren't you flying out to Europe tomorrow morning? I'm gonna hit the sack down, I've got something to film early in the morning."

"Sure, got it, go to bed." Jiang Xun was still completely focused on the chat with Gu Wei, only reaching out to grab the glass of water from the coffee table while he thought about his reply.

[100K Volts]: So you know it's bad for your body. How many clients have you already had?

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: Oh, loads. Probably at least around one hundred and eighty.

[If You Love Me Please Send Me Money]: WorkingHard.jpg

Jiang Xun choked on a mouthful of water and fell into a coughing fit.

One hundred. And eighty. One hundred and eighty?!

And Gu Wei… wasn't he only… how old was he again?

 

Gu Wei waited a long time before his phone buzzed again, alerting him of a new message:

[100K Volts]: All of them are barbarians.

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